🔍 I Background Checked My Boyfriend - What I Found Will Shock You (Plus How-To Guide)

Ladies, I need to share this. After dating "Mark" for 6 months, something felt off. His stories didn't add up. So I did a full background check. What I found probably saved my life.

What I Discovered

What He Told Me:

• Investment banker
• Divorced, no kids
• Owned his condo
• Clean record
• 35 years old

What the Background Check Revealed:

• Unemployed for 2 years
• STILL MARRIED with 3 kids
• Renting (eviction on record)
• Two restraining orders from exes
• Actually 43 years old
• DUI and assault charges

I confronted him with evidence. He admitted everything and then threatened me. I got a restraining order and never looked back.

Complete Background Check Guide

FREE Methods First

1. Google Deep Dive

• "[Full name]" + city
• "[Full name]" + arrest/lawsuit/court
• "[Full name]" + job title/company
• Try variations of name spelling
• Check Google Images too

2. Social Media Investigation

• Facebook: Look for family tags, old posts
• LinkedIn: Verify employment history
• Instagram: Check tagged locations match stories
• Twitter: Often people are most honest here

3. Court Records (ALL FREE)

• Criminal Records: [County name] + "court records search"
• Civil Cases: Same search, look for lawsuits, divorces
• Federal Cases: PACER.gov ($0.10 per page)
• Bankruptcy: PACER.gov
• Sex Offender Registry: NSOPW.gov

4. Property Records

• County assessor website
• Verify he owns what he claims
• Check for liens/foreclosures

5. Voter Registration

• Confirms real name and address
• Some states show party/voting history

PAID Background Check Services

BeenVerified ($26.89/month) ✅ Most comprehensive ✅ Criminal records ✅ Social media profiles ✅ Property records ✅ Contact info history ❌ Some info outdated

TruthFinder ($27.78/month) ✅ Deep web scanning ✅ Dark web monitoring ✅ Weapon permits ✅ Dating profiles ❌ Expensive

Spokeo ($24.95/month) ✅ Best for contact info ✅ Email search ✅ Dating site profiles ❌ Limited criminal data

Instant Checkmate ($34.78/month) ✅ Arrest records with mugshots ✅ Very detailed reports ❌ Most expensive

What to Look For - Red Flags

Criminal History:

• Domestic violence (IMMEDIATE dealbreaker)
• Assault charges
• Stalking/harassment
• Restraining orders
• DUI (pattern = problem)
• Fraud/theft (character issue)

Civil Records:

• Multiple divorces (pattern?)
• Child support issues
• Lawsuits (sued or suing)
• Evictions
• Bankruptcy

Lies About:

• Age (why lie?)
• Name variations
• Marital status
• Children
• Employment
• Education
• Property ownership
• Financial status

Professional Background Verification

Employment:

• Call company HR to verify
• LinkedIn cross-reference
• Check professional licenses
• Verify claimed education

Education:

• National Student Clearinghouse
• Contact university directly
• Degree verification services

Advanced Searches

Dating Sites:

• SocialCatfish.com - finds dating profiles
• Google image search his photos
• Search his phone number on sites

Financial Red Flags:

• Multiple addresses in short time
• Liens/judgments
• Business failures
• Gambling indicators

When to Run Background Checks

✅ Before becoming exclusive ✅ Before moving in together ✅ Before lending money ✅ If stories don't add up ✅ If friends/family express concern ✅ If he's secretive about basics ✅ Before introducing to your kids

How to Bring It Up

Option 1: Direct "I run background checks on everyone I date seriously. It's for my safety. If you have nothing to hide, you won't mind."

Option 2: Mutual "Let's both run background checks on each other. Full transparency."

Option 3: Don't Tell You have EVERY right to verify someone's identity and safety without permission.

Common Excuses When Caught

• "That's not me" (same name/birthday/city?)
• "It was expunged" (often lying)
• "My ex made that up" (court doesn't work that way)
• "I was going to tell you" (no he wasn't)
• "That was the old me" (patterns repeat)
• "You violated my privacy" (your safety > his privacy)

Success Stories from Comments

• Found out he was married (47 stories)
• Discovered criminal history (89 stories)
• Caught financial lies (112 stories)
• Found he was using fake name (23 stories)
• Discovered he was a sex offender (18 stories)

Resources

Free:

• FamilyTreeNow.com
• FastPeopleSearch.com
• TruePeopleSearch.com
• WhitePages.com

Apps:

• Garbo - Built for dating safety
• TruthFinder app
• BeenVerified app

Verification:

• SocialCatfish.com - Romance scam detection
• RomanceScam.com - Known scammer database

My Advice

1. ALWAYS verify before getting serious
2. Trust your gut - investigate concerns
3. Don't feel guilty about checking
4. Your safety > His privacy
5. Patterns matter more than incidents
6. Recent history matters most
7. If he gets angry about verification = RED FLAG

The Response to Expect

Good guys: "I understand why you need to feel safe. Go ahead."

Bad guys: "You don't trust me?" "That's invasion of privacy!" "You're crazy/paranoid!"

Ladies, I cannot stress this enough: Background checks should be NORMALIZED. We verify babysitters for our kids, why not verify men we let into our lives?

Update: Since posting, I've received 200+ DMs from women who found dealbreakers through background checks. You're not paranoid - you're SMART.

What did you find when you background checked? Share below to help others!